Seriously. The climbing controls are difficult to manipulate even with experience. Ezio is obsessed with jumping to his death.

Analysis: Free roam is magnificent, everything else is goddamned annoying. The fact that the bonus goals (full synchronization) are so convenient to achieve yet easy to fail makes everything worse. Say, for example, you’re trying to infiltrate an area with an assassin apprentice without entering open conflict. Your apprentice walks into a guard and sacrifices the bonus six times in a row. The sheer amount of repetition required in order to do everything up to bonus standards is ridiculously frustrating. Completionists will be driven batshit insane by Assassin’s Creed: Revelations. And now, with that out of the way, I’ll talk about everything else.

Ezio Auditore is attempting to open Altaïr’s secret door by collecting the five memory containing keys that the Byzantine Templars are also searching for. The conflict occurs in the city of Constantinople, a grand place with lots of guards, buildings, and beggars to kill, climb, and bribe, respectively. Your missions will have you flying across rooftops, scaling buildings, sneaking through barracks, assassinating generals, and delivering packages to docks. That last part is side mission bullocks, but still worth doing. You’ll need to have cash burning a hole in your pocket.

When you’re not doing things of importance, you’re wandering the city, collecting money from your bank accounts and using that money to buy more stores and landmarks. The more you own, the more your income grows, so don’t be afraid to piss 50,000 all at once to renovate every shop in sight. Sure, it’ll raise Templar awareness which will lead to a god-awful annoying tower defense game, but having the buildings is well worth it. … Maybe.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations

The tower defense game, as many other parts of this game may be described, is obnoxious. You put assassin leaders on buildings and then attacker assassins on the ledges. Between them, your den’s ballista, and Ezio’s hidden gun, you have to wipe out around 20 waves of troops, then one massive siege engine. The reason why it’s annoying is that it’s basically a game of action/reaction rock paper scissors. You defend against infantry, they send axemen. You build walls to stop the axemen, they send bombers to blow up the barracks. And when you think you just have it set, the siege engine comes in and wrecks your shit by exhaling. Then you flail hopelessly until you win. Fun? Sure. No. Kill Byzantine officials and bribe the news announcer fellows to lower Templar awareness. Do this always.

Onto a positive, the weapons are nice, even if combat is a pisser. Daggers, crossbows, poison darts, throwing knives, swords, heavy weapons, hidden blades, hookblades, and of course, bombs. Bombs come in three categories: Lethal, distraction, and escape. Self-explanatory, but the sub-categories are interesting. Pyrite coins can call upon huge civilian crowds to block guards. Lamb’s blood bombs can make guards freak out and think they’ve been murdered. Coal dust bombs create massive explosions that kill people with force alone. Caltrops, shrapnel, phosphorous clouds, smoke signals, poison dust, on and on. The ingredients are everywhere, so loot ALL THE BODIES. Open ALL THE CHESTS. Find ALL THE TREASURES! And be sure to avoid Jannisaries. They’ll dodge everything you try to do to them then shoot you.

Assassin's Creed: Revelations

I’d get into the assassin apprentice system, but it’s really just another source of income and assistance. You can call some guys over to help or just kill all guards in the area if the gauge is full.

So do I like Assassin’s Creed: Revelations? I’d like to say I do, but only for the non-linear roaming. The missions can quickly escalate in obnoxiousness until they cease being fun. It certainly requires that you take repeated failures with a grain of salt. Shit, a whole silo of salt, with the way this game plays out. I’ll conclude by guaranteeing that this game is NOT for completionists. It will test your patience until you finally break and say “Fuck this shit,” and then you’re done.


Andrei Dobra has much nicer things to say about the game than I do, so fans of the past installments will probably benefit from checking out his review just through here:

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